Hey Everybody,

Thank you to the 3 people that commented on my bummed out entry (this includes you, e-philo-bro, even though your comment doesn't show up directly, i did see it. the power of rss scares me sometimes...).  I appreciate the loving support of my friends.  I'm not longer bummed out (least not as bummed out) as I was before.

Truthfully, even though I'm quite cheerful on the outside, I have a very melancholy tone about me on the inside. It sort of comes and goes, but is actually there more of the time than people likely suspect. I just don't show it, and since I'm super optimistic and cheerful (most of the time) on the outside, I don't think people consider me very melancholy. Yet, that is exactly how I would describe myself. It's almost like I'm two different people. Hmm anyway, enough said on that.

I hope y'all are all doing well. I want all my readers to know that any time something's bugging you, you can always call, email, or get together with me in person to discuss or just get a word of encouragement. And despite my love for expressing the English language, I can even keep my yap shut and just listen if that's what somebody needs. Love to you all.

-the neuro-G.

Bummed out

hey friends,

i'm really bummed out. i won't say why or what would make me feel better. but parts of my life really suck right now...anyway, i'm not doing the usual thing where i complain about my readership and *pretend* like i am bummed with that stuff. that sort of complaining is only a space filler and joke.

but right now, i am genuinely bummed out. :(  and i'm not asking for pity or sorrow, i'm only writing to get it off my chest, as a way of personal therapy. maybe i'll feel better soon. i'm going to write all my thoughts down (for my eyes only).... maybe that will help me sort them out.  let's just say, something is weighing very, very heavily on my heart right now.

in other news, i am a patient in a clinical study for an avian flu vaccine. i get paid some good money for it (after all i have to get poked at least 9 times...2 shots and 7 blood draws in a six month period). the bad news is the shots i take won't give me any protection (unless the avian flu hits the US hard, which it won't) and i can't get a real flu shot this year, either. so if i die in the next  year, you guys can split the cash i get from the study equally. =)  and if i don't die, then maybe i'll take you all out for ice cream...maybe. if you are good and say please. =)

anyway, i sometimes wonder if those who know me closest....really even know me? :*(  i'm good at hiding stuff. i'm a pretty honest guy, but sometimes i just don't talk about what's really going on. already i've said too much.

Healthy Boy of the Day Award

Today at work I received the Healthy Boy of the Day Award.

Thus far today I have eaten the following:

4 chocolate icing covered cake donuts (from Shipleys)

3 slices of left over sausage pizza (from Dominos)

1 Yoplait yogurt

1 large raisan oatmeal cookie

3 hershey kisses

1 cup of coffee

1 16 oz. Lipton Green Tea

Whew...folks...stomach's feelin' a little funky I must say. Starting some time in the near future, I shall start eating healthy (again). What did you eat today?

Why does nobody read this?

Tonight I Can Write

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about love and relationships. Everybody my age (by that I mean 23-30 years old) is trying to answer 2 questions: 1) What am I going to do for the rest of my life? 2) With whom shall I spend the rest of my life?  As I slave away in the laboratory, I have a lot of autonomy and time to think. While doing experiments and stuff, I listen to my ipod and rock out in my head. But sometimes, I do a lot of serious thinking.  While on the outside I am silly and fairly easy going, I am often very serious minded on the inside.  Lately, I have thought about many of my experiences in relationships and how constantly torn I was in figuring out what I like (or didn't like) and how difficult a time *everybody* my age seems to have at finding a suitable mate. A few years back, I ran across a poem, originally written in Spanish by Chilean writer Pablo Neruda .  Anyway, this speaks volumes to me, and perhaps some of you may like it. Please comment on what you like about it or what it means to you (especially if particular lines speak out). And if this is altogether too serious, then feel free to write something silly or off the wall.

Tonight I Can Write
by Pablo Neruda, translated by W.S. Merwin

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.